Your Custom Text Here

C 6/14/17 C 6/14/17

Good Habits from the Start

If you have ever taken a basic psychology course or share with me a love for personal development, you probably understand the term “conditioning.” Conditioning is what happens to us when we make the assumption based on past experiences, that A+B will have an outcome of C. For example, if every time you sold a lap dance, you got a lollipop along with your $20-40, you would come to expect the lollipop. Up close, it’s easy to see the simple connections we make, “If I smile on stage and make eye contact, I will make more money on stage.” If you know this works, it’s because you’ve tested it and you know it to be true.

If you take some time to reflect on your past, I’m sure you can see the patterns that have been set in your life based on your conditioning in all arenas. A person who grew up with base in the family is more likely to have issues in relationship; either dating abusive people, become abusive themselves, or both. If a person had a lot of experiences traveling that made them feel free and weightless and amazing, they probably already have their next trip planned and are working on a way to achieve their travel goal. While I think that it is imperative that we explore our pasts to figure out what we are going to make of life today, what this post is really about is how what you do today greatly impacts the person you will be tomorrow.

By becoming a stripper you made a big decision. We call it the adult entertainment industry, but it's not just because we show our boobies, but because the stuff you see around here really is some heavy, grown up shit sometimes! That said, if you want to be an adult in an adult industry, it is really important that you take responsibility for how you are currently conditioning your future self; it's the grown up thing to do, be self aware enough to recognize that every single day as you venture into this new world, you are building habits, and it's your choice which ones you are going to build for yourself. If you have never seen a dancer sleeping in her car or living in hotel rooms because they have nowhere to go, you know how real it is. If you have ever seen a survivor of sexual assault forced to engage in sex work because she doesn't have any money saved or has a habit or family to support, you know how real it is. It is not the strip club that traps people, it was their own minds, and often drug, alcohol, or relationship dependency. I hope you guys like bullet points as much as I do. Here are some things you can do to keep your mind healthy and keep you from brainwashing yourself into believing that this is all you will ever be:

Keep your goal list close. It is important to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing.
Consistently put positive things into your brain. Always have a project, something that you are reading, learning, working on, improving. The strip club can be pretty negative and can provide you with a lot of idle resting time. Get your rest, but also make sure you take time to instill new habits consciously.
Hang pictures in your living room of things you really want in life. Feng Shui suggests that since this is the room you spend the most time in, you will be burning the desires into your subconscious.
Be aware of and respect your subconscious mind. When you disassociate or numb out like most of us do at the club, there is still some aspect of what is actually happening that is creeping in. Be aware of it, and find outlets to clear out this negativity. Running, yoga, writing, meditation, being in nature, long periods of solitude, therapy, and reading are some of mine, but maybe you love painting and have always wanted to learn French. Now is a great time to check yourself. (Scrolling and shopping don't count as therapy.)
Pay attention to the people you are surrounding yourself with. Do not become friends with people who you do not respect. If your family is toxic, either keep them at a distance or start doing some ground work to improve the relationship, dump your boyfriend if he is making you insane.
We share a collective consciousness that we cannot see or feel. Take responsibility for your share. Add only positivity to our shared think-space.
Make a ritual of something you really love. It can be anything that makes you smile, just commit to doing it once a day.

C 6/6/17 C 6/6/17

Should You Become A Stripper?

images: The Uncensored Stripper

words: Chase Kelly

If you have never danced before, the questions you have are infinite, and so is the advice I have to give. Deciding to become a stripper is a very big decision and one that will affect the rest of your life; ie: please don’t take this decision lightly! I know what you really want me to address is what to wear, how to give lapdances, what to do on stage, how to talk to customers, other dancers, and club management, and I promise I will in future posts, but this being the first time I address new dancers, I really want to focus on the big picture. It’s definitely the most important part.

You need to take an honest assessment of yourself if you are just starting out dancing. Even if you’ve been working for a couple weeks, months, or years, this is a good thing to go back and do. Given the fact that negativity is contagious, and you are a good person, it is the right thing to do to handle your business appropriately and not spread around toxicity, especially if you are dead set on your own demise (you know who tf you are!) The maturity to determine if this is really what you need to be doing right now is the first thing to focus on. You need to be honest with yourself, for your own well-being and the well-being of others. I ask you to always bring that self awareness with you when you come here.

The very most important thing you need to survive as a dancer and to generally be a happy person is integrity. Do you feel like you really know who you are? When you say or think something, does it come from a place of sincerity? Do you consider the facts before you make a decision? Do you feel like you have a solid, firm, stable, and mature grip on reality? It’s totally ok if you aren’t there yet, but recognizing where you are on a maturity scale is important, or stripper or not, getting clarity is a necessity. People who go their whole lives without ever committing to a life that they deem worthwhile usually end up unfulfilled, but when you put a shaky character into a strip club, much worse things are imminent than just lack of fulfillment. Then those things are the only things the public sees and then our entire industry is judged by the actions of a couple reckless fly by nighters. If you are going to dance, please do so as a liberated, free, and independent woman (or man, or trans person) and commit yourself to achieving all of your goals.

How do you really feel about yourself? Do you feel beautiful? Would your heart be broken if a customer told you that you were fat or a girl made fun of your c-section scar? This might happen. Even if you think you are perfect, people will find something to pick at. If you are hard on yourself to the point where it can become dangerous for you, proceed with caution. The strip club takes everything that is wrong with how society views women and amplifies it times a million, and as someone who is already suffering as a result of a sick culture, the last thing you need is more negative body image shit. You need to feel really comfortable, and realize that when people say awful things about you, it has nothing to do with what’s wrong with you, and everything to do with what’s wrong with them. Inner strength is really key.

If you are touchy when people say things you don’t like and often find yourself in confrontation with the people you are involved with, you will probably have quite a few problems at the club. It really is best to be a level headed person. You have way more strength if you solve problems with logic than if you solve them with anger or rage or violence. If you are prone to fighting, work on your frustration tolerance. Start meditating, make a goal of defeating the thing inside you that you are really angry about and live your life free of that prison, but don't bring it here; you can get yourself into messes you can't escape in the strip club.

The qualities above and a generally positive attitude are going to be the most valuable weapons you can wield against the taxing environment you’ll be working in, and actually will be pretty useful tools for surviving life in general. Remember that just because you are reading this and will take these things into consideration, not every dancer (or person) does. You will encounter a lot of difficult people in this industry and knowing how to handle them is important. Do not measure yourself against other girls, and do not bend your morals for anyone, whether it’s in the name of agreement or disagreement. You know it’s a bad idea to do a bunch of coke or take pills, you know when you have drank too much, and you also know nobody listens when you are irrational, so keep your head on straight and be able to handle confrontation with grace and conduct business with the end goal in mind. We all get wasted sometimes, but it's Russian Roulette every single time. It could always be you, watch your drink, and know how many you've had.

And if you're not ready, don't sweat it. Not having all of the qualities you need to be a safe and successful dancer right now doesn’t mean that you can NEVER be a dancer. You are an ever evolving being, and if this is what you want it will be available to you for many years; trust me I know top earners who started in their thirties. Stripping is a fun and exciting job, and it will have lots to offer you for many years if you allow it to, but it certainly has it's pit falls and enduring them means mental and emotional preparedness. If you jump into this before you are ready the years will pass like you were never even here. You will squander every dollar you make and you will destroy your body for nothing. It isn't worth it. The industry isn't going anywhere. We will be here when you are ready for it, start slow and stay sober. <3

Chase Kelly

C 6/6/17 C 6/6/17

Talking to Your Parents About Stripping

Option one: lie through your teeth

I got an email today from a sweet young woman named Dallas who recently started learning about becoming a stripper. She is having a problem deciding what to tell her ultra-religious mom what she is doing for cash. I am blessed (and cursed) to have a mom that could honestly care less what I do for money, but I know exactly what I would do if I weren’t. I do have a couple of adorable grandparents who would never, ever understand and so far ten years of white lies have worked for me.
I don’t think it’s OK to lie to your family, really, even if you think she should be ok with your decisions. In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to, but in this case I think a white lie might be the best policy. Hopefully you will live to be one-hundred. Hopefully less than 10 of those years will be spent being a stripper. You only have one family and you need them. They need you. You can’t build a new one, and sometimes you can’t mend something once it’s broken. It will be less than one-tenth of your life that you spend on the pole–If you will break your mom’s heart and risk your relationship with her by telling her you dance, just don’t. Why would you? You wouldn’t sit down with her and tell her about that time you tried anal, or acid, or a threesome. It’s not lying, it’s editing yourself for your audience. You don’t need to talk about your mom to your customers, and you don’t need to talk about your customers to your mom. If she doesn’t understand, she will blame herself. She will think you are degrading yourself and it’s because she didn’t teach you any better.

Sometimes dancers think they need to be 100% real all the time. It’s a thing that we do to protect ourselves-we puff out our chests and say, “Fuck you if you don’t like me.” In the real world, that doesn’t have to be the case. You can be real. You can be close and honest, but you don’t need to be transparent. There are truths that you are allowed to keep private.

So how do you cover up all your newfound cash? Answer: live modestly and save like a tiny cash hoarder. If you are going to say you are a nanny or you work at a nursing home or you waitress or bartend or (best cover story ever) you do promotional modeling and catering for private parties and weddings, just live within the budget of someone who works those jobs and hoard the rest away in your own account. Start taking responsibility for your own finances and live the lie while stacking your way

OPTION 2: Smashing the Patriarchy Starts at Home

Maybe you're a different kind of babe, though, the idea of protecting your mom doesn't really appeal to you and you don't really feel like that's your responsibility. This is how I feel about work, and I mention the details of my job in conversation to my mom so matter-of-factly and allow her to own her discomfort. I choose not to fester in those societal cess pools with her and I'm happy to dispel any preconceived notions she might have. I wrote a letter to someone else's mom, actually, after she reached out to me and let me know that she was having similar feelings and wanted to illuminate things for Mom, not dull them for herself. Click here to read that letter.

It's all about circumstance. Know your momma, know yourself, and proceed in whatever way feels best for you. There is nothing wrong with drawing boundaries and having your own personal life. Lots of Moms will tell you that that isn't true, but they aren't being honest with themselves or healthy for you when they try and manipulate you into sharing every detail of your life with them. To her, you're still a baby but here in real life you are a grown ass woman and you can take responsibility for yourself. Just don't go lyin' if you're livin' under her roof; save up that cash and GTFO!

How to be a stripper, how to strip, I want to be a stripper, How can I become a stripper, How to strip, Learn to strip

TELL US YOUR STORY. Do you have advice for other dancers or a story that will inspire others? Share it with us and we will publish it to our audience.

C 6/6/17 C 6/6/17

Keeping His Hands Off Your Body

Photos: The Uncensored Stripper

Words: Chase Kelly

The thing that I hear strippers complain most about and also probably is the most emotionally draining part of the job is that guys insist on touching, grabbing, pinching, licking, biting, and blowing on you. Not only does it feel like a complete violation of your bits, it’s also really ridiculous for a guy to expect to touch you like that for a measly $20. Once upon a time, strippers could just dominate guys out of doing that, and sometimes the dominatrix act even made them more money–but this isn’t the nineties. These days there are LOTS of entertainers and way fewer fetishists in the clubs. There are tons of lawsuits (don’t believe me, google it), and the popular image of women has shifted back to “fun girl” from “fierce girl.” Beating a guy off of you and yelling at him is going to hurt your money, especially if the dances at your club are on the floor where other guys could witness it. No matter WHO was in the wrong, you are going to look like the crazy one. According to most management, he isn’t insane for trying to touch you. You are hot, he is a dog. He can’t help it (eye roll eye roll eye roll)–so use your grace and charm and smile to keep your boundaries firm.

A young girl I used to dance with would jump up and say, “OMG, I just really didn’t expect you to touch me like that!” and guys would feel awful and apologize. They would see her as a “good girl” and many would pay her for her time after that.

I like to say, “Oh no baby, you can’t touch me like that out here, I’ll get in trouble. We have private rooms though, where we can get a little closer.” Next thing you know I am in a VIP room, and I honestly spend the majority of the time talking.

Does yelling at him to sit on his hands save you? Yeah, it does, for that song, but the likelihood of that guy stacking dances with you diminishes the second you cop an attitude. Plus, if he likes you enough to lick your nasty stage body, he probably likes you enough to spend money on you. Successful strippers know that keeping his desire alive is what makes him pay you and it’s what makes him upgrade. Yes, it sucks he's touching you, but you can make him stop by making him spend if he wants to keep doing it. Learn to control your anger, channel it into financial gain. If you think you are going to make thousands of dollars every night without being touched, I can tell you you will be gravely disappointed. It might happen sometimes, but it is unlikely to happen consistently unless you are in a very strict club where the rules are enforced by management and not by the dancers.

Biting his head off might make you feel better for the moment, but controlling your impulses is integral to boosting your sales. You might hate this guy right now, but if you handle things with finesse and grace, you just might end up turning your horny dog into the guy who pays your rent every month.

C 6/6/17 C 6/6/17

Safety Measures for Strippers

Images: The Uncensored Stripper

Words: Chase Kelly

Amidst all the glamorization and stigmatization of strip clubs, sometimes what gets glossed over are the the dangers of stripping, or more accurately, the violence that sometimes burdens strippers and the vice industry in general. A few weeks ago nine people were shot on Bourbon Street a few blocks from where I work. Last week one person was stabbed and 6 people were murdered overnight. In 2010 there was a shooting INSIDE a club I worked at, and a few years before that there was a drive by at my club in Connecticut. I’ve seen entertainers decked in the face by grown men, subsequent stabbings, and heard more dancers confess to leaving the club with customers and then being raped or drugged than I’d like to really remember.

Some of us work in small suburban areas, but due to our desire for community and anonymity and to access a larger clientele, many strippers choose to live in cities, and with that comes violence, especially against women. This is absolutely not to say there isn't anything to watch out for in the 'burbs. Lots of dangerous people don't understand that we are, in fact, also people, and no matter where you are when a person becomes dehumanized, they become a target for violence and anger.

Despite the risks, most of us are still dancing, because we are either blind to the possibility of it happening at our club/to us or because we have consciously decided that it’s a risk we are willing to take. With the rise of strip club culture, more and more young women are getting into the industry. It’s our duty to be aware of the dangers that do lurk around and do what we can to keep ourselves safe and how to stay away from the drama. More safety tips here.

Once he’s wasted, it’s time to stop feeding him shots! There’s multiple reasons you don’t want your customers that drunk, one being for safety’s sake. Get him tipsy enough to loosen up and have fun but don’t make him regret his decision to come to your place of business by getting him fall down drunk and essentially robbing him. People are volatile and unpredictable, and sometimes you’re trapped in a room for an hour with him!
Skip Fight Night: I hate fight night at the strip club. While I’ve never seen anything truly atrocious happen on fight night, in my experience guys are more aggressive when they’re encouraged to be.
Don’t get involved with pimps, drug dealers, gang bangers. Bad boys with tattoos are super hot, and I’m sure that super sexy coke dealer with all that cash is really boosting your hustler mentality up, but still, sometimes you need to use discretion. That's not the life you need to carve out for yourself. If you work at a club that lets ex convicts, biker gangs, drug dealers hang out at them, either dress yourself up and upgrade your club or if that’s not possible, learn self defense and carry pepper spray and a taser (not a knife).
ALWAYS CARRY YOUR ID. God forbid you got caught in the crossfires of a violent thing, please have your ID so that they can identify you and get in touch with your people. Please. Add an ICE number to your phone so your family can be contacted if you are unable to contact them.
Don’t link up with that man who promises to turn you into a multi-thousandaire: It’s almost impossible to believe but stripper pimps are actually a thing, but they are and nice girls are getting suckered. They also don't call themselves pimps, they manipulate you into thinking you're in a relationship with them. You don’t need a pimp or a “boyfriend” to teach you how to make money. You’re a big girl, you can do it yourself. I will help you. Don’t work at places that let these scumbags hang out, they’re probably paying the club to hang there and that means you’re being 1) trafficked 2) hustled. Don’t get into all that!
People are pretty impressionable, you know, and pretty women can sell almost any concept, which is why we are on billboards and magazines and car ads and everything else. The dudes you’re dancing for hear you out, and if your music is all “bang bang” people will think that’s cool/what your club is about; you’ll be perpetuating the glamorization of violence at strip clubs and in the world. When the DJ says no hard rap music or no sad drug addiction music, hear him out. Southern rap is my favorite music to listen to and dance to, so I understand when girls are pissed about it, but just like I don’t think it’s appropriate to dance to music that sounds like Satan is about to rip through the speakers, I don’t think it’s great to dance to guns and percocet music. Be sweet and sexy so our environment can stay safe and lucrative. Who really cares about what you dance to on stage anyway? You’re here for the money not to have your own personal dance party.
Always get a walk to your car from a staff member. If one isn't available, opt for a fellow dancer, but not a customer. Never ever leave the club with a customer for your own safety. You CANNOT tell psychos from ordinary people; they are master manipulators. There is almost always someone willing to give you a walk for $5, though, so dole out a couple singles and stay safe.
Be aware. Keep your eyes open. Don’t get so wasted that you don’t know what’s going on. Always be ready to run into the dressing room should anything bad happen. Check your car before you get in and watch your back for people following you. Carry mace. Take self defense classes. Do not rely on management to keep you safe; do it yourself. Take your personal safety personally.
Don't drink and drive. You're not just risking your life.

C 6/6/17 C 6/6/17

Too Young to be a Stripper?

Images and Words by Chase Kelly

Rookie Strippers, hear me out. If I could quantify how grateful I am that waited until I was twenty four to start dancing, I'd have to buy a warehouse to store the benefits. I started bartending at clubs when I was eighteen and I did every job possible in the club before I started dancing, and in the long run I think that really helped me and here is why:

A beautiful sense of immortality often accompanies youth, and though there are many reasons teenagers shouldn’t strip, the pervasive “it couldn't happen to me” attitude is number one. When we are young, we assume that everyone’s intentions are pure, we are blind to red flags. We love with our whole hearts, we rebel with our souls, we dream with imagination that can revolutionize. But we learn how to be adults from falling on our faces. When I was a kid, I painted every red flag pink; I said yes to a lot of things I should have said no to, and luckily, I survived. Not all of my friends have been so lucky. I love this quote, "Better a little caution than a big regret," and I have used that mantra to keep me safe through a lot of scary times. I wish I had heard it earlier. Truth is though, if we are perceptive, we all eventually stop falling on our faces because we learn to see red flags as warnings. We take off our rose colored glasses and see what's really up. Strip club world is warped, though, so it's like you have to learn what is real in the real world before you really want to be wrapping your head around our backwards one. The traps at strip clubs are worse than the traps in the normal world. If you haven’t learned how to keep your eyes open for super sketchy situations, take your time. Once you start red flags pop up around other people and especially around your own behavior, when you want to reel yourself in instead of be the first one to plunge; that’s kind of a decent indicator that you will be able to keep yourself safe.

Starting stripping too young won’t make you grow up faster either, even though that’s what people who know nothing about it will tell you. Being a dancer can actually stunt your growth or stop it all together. I know strippers who are fifty years old who dance because they have no other choice, and I don’t mock them when I say that. There are of course some women who stay working into maturity because they like the work, or that it’s still lucrative and it is supplemental or funds their passions. I'm lucky to know those women, also. You will see once you get in the clubs, women who never learned another way of life and have been kept stripping or escorting for much longer than they wanted to be. In a normal setting, a person moves past that flippant and rebellious ‘whatever’ mentality as they mature. They get accolades and responsibilities that give them pride and purpose. You’ll never have that in a strip club. This industry enables and encourages irresponsibility and immaturity. There is a lot of money to be made off of young women in this world, and the longer you stay in, the better you get at making sales, even if you aren’t fresh and nineteen anymore. If you start working in an environment that encourages (and profits from) your recklessness before you learn your own personal limitations, it restricts you from making that adjustment into the life you want. I've worked at clubs taht encourage their entertainers to become addicted to drugs and alcohol because it keeps them stuck there. Before you say, "That couldn't happen to me," remember point number one. You are not immune to being hustled by people who have been in the game much longer than you. You are predisposed to painting red flags pink. Start slow. Your goals at eighteen are so far in the future, you haven’t tried your hand at them yet. You know how much time you have left to make a decision, nothing is dire, you are free.

I say that to say this, no matter what your age is, if you’re unsure, start by getting a different job at the strip club, like waitress, door girl, or bartender. Start having a little bit of contact with the girls and customers, but don't thrust yourself into anything if you have another option. See how it makes you feel first, and take your time making the adjustment into dancing if you like it. There is a lot of weird shit out there that you probably have never heard of, and strippers get paid to engage some of those bizarro-world fantasies. One of the recurring themes of the program I teach is habit and pattern. The likelihood of building abnormal habits around love and sex are all too real if you spend the years that you are building a concept of normal male/female engagement in a strip club. Sex should be at least somewhat sacred, and when you put a dollar amount on it, that can be really confusing when you haven't had many real life partners yet. Keep yourself free of that weight and take your time, adjust, and then dip further if you wanna. This way you are never trapped, you can stay free.

Even more unnerving than the weird things that can happen to your sex life based on habit is the negativity that can come from trauma in the line of duty. There are most certainly predators in this environment who consciously target young and inexperienced girls and prey on their naivety, and the outcome can be devastating. They aren’t always customers, either. Some of them work with you and are very good at hiding their snakelike intentions. To young people interested in the adult industry, I always say, “We’ll be here in five years.” I know many of you nineteen year olds are reading this and shrugging it off, but I can’t stress it enough. Sometimes I wish I had those extra five years of income, but I would have wasted the money anyway. Nineteen-year-old girls rarely invest in their retirement funds or spend their cash on tuition. If you’re young or unsure if you’re ready, I’ll tell you that I did fine as a waitress and bartender. It is most certainly generous wages and bottle service waitresses crush most strippers in annual income.

If you're taking the plunge anyway, know we are always here for you throughout your journey <3