Talking to Your Parents About Stripping

Do your parents know what you do?

Option one: lie through your teeth

I got an email today from a sweet young woman named Dallas who recently started learning about becoming a stripper.  She is having a problem deciding what to tell her ultra-religious mom what she is doing for cash.  I am blessed (and cursed) to have a mom that could honestly care less what I do for money, but I know exactly what I would do if I weren’t.  I do have a couple of adorable grandparents who would never, ever understand and so far ten years of white lies have worked for me.
I don’t think it’s OK to lie to your family, really, even if you think she should be ok with your decisions.  In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to, but in this case I think a white lie might be the best policy.  Hopefully you will live to be one-hundred.  Hopefully less than 10 of those years will be spent being a stripper.  You only have one family and you need them.  They need you. You can’t build a new one, and sometimes you can’t mend something once it’s broken.  It will be less than one-tenth of your life that you spend on the pole–If you will break your mom’s heart and risk your relationship with her by telling her you dance, just don’t.  Why would you?  You wouldn’t sit down with her and tell her about that time you tried anal, or acid, or a threesome.  It’s not lying, it’s editing yourself for your audience.  You don’t need to talk about your mom to your customers, and you don’t need to talk about your customers to your mom.  If she doesn’t understand, she will blame herself.  She will think you are degrading yourself and it’s because she didn’t teach you any better.

Sometimes dancers think they need to be 100% real all the time.  It’s a thing that we do to protect ourselves-we puff out our chests and say, “Fuck you if you don’t like me.” In the real world, that doesn’t have to be the case.  You can be real.  You can be close and honest, but you don’t need to be transparent. There are truths that you are allowed to keep private.

So how do you cover up all your newfound cash?  Answer: live modestly and save like a tiny cash hoarder.  If you are going to say you are a nanny or you work at a nursing home or you waitress or bartend or (best cover story ever) you do promotional modeling and catering for private parties and weddings, just live within the budget of someone who works those jobs and hoard the rest away in your own account.  Start taking responsibility for your own finances and live the lie while stacking your way 

OPTION 2: Smashing the Patriarchy Starts at Home

Maybe you're a different kind of babe, though, the idea of protecting your mom doesn't really appeal to you and you don't really feel like that's your responsibility.  This is how I feel about work, and I mention the details of my job in conversation to my mom so matter-of-factly and allow her to own her discomfort.  I choose not to fester in those societal cess pools with her and I'm happy to dispel any preconceived notions she might have.  I wrote a letter to someone else's mom, actually, after she reached out to me and let me know that she was having similar feelings and wanted to illuminate things for Mom, not dull them for herself.  Click here to read that letter.

It's all about circumstance.  Know your momma, know yourself, and proceed in whatever way feels best for you.  There is nothing wrong with drawing boundaries and having your own personal life.  Lots of Moms will tell you that that isn't true, but they aren't being honest with themselves or healthy for you when they try and manipulate you into sharing every detail of your life with them.  To her, you're still a baby but here in real life you are a grown ass woman and you can take responsibility for yourself.  Just don't go lyin' if you're livin' under her roof; save up that cash and GTFO!  



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