Your Custom Text Here
Controlling the Vibe at Your Stripclub
Most things about the typical stripper experience can be relatively taxing on your mental state. At one time, the thing that I felt the most affected by was the customers and being on the floor, but at some clubs I’ve danced at, including the one I am currently contracting, it’s actually the dressing room that makes me feel the worst about being there. I am not sure if it’s the degree to which my fellow entertainers are damaged, or if it’s because i falsely expect the dressing room to be a safe haven from the chaos that makes it so unnerving, but it is, none-the-less. The “misery loves company” epidemic that has been spread through our clubs is contributing to their general decline.
There are so many things that we cannot control inside the clun, but the vibe of OUR dressing room is OURS to take. We can make this a more pleasurable experience for ourselves, our coworkers, and our customers simply by committing to be healthier people while in the club. Some things you can commit to that will increase your happiness and thereby increase your profit are:
-Do not discuss deep, personal issues at the club. If you make friends with someone there, respect her night enough to make lunch plans to talk about what’s going on in your life.
-Bring headphones and use them. Resist the urge to get involved in other people’s drama, instead get your mind into something positive (when things are especially hectic, I often listen to Tony Robbins or TED talks.)
-Be nice. Smile at people. Don’t start fights. Be gentle with new girls. They are scared, and good people don’t scorn people who are already terrified. Remember your own first night and have empathy.
-If you choose to use drugs (not recommended) do so privately, and do not involve people who you are not already friendly with. There is no reason to start someone else on that path, even if you’ve chosen it for yourself.
-Be considerate of the fact that there are recovering addicts in your midst.
-Report or ignore prostitution at your club. If you are not willing to report it to management, you cannot take it on yourself to fight. It’s not worth the war you start, and it affects all of us. If your management ignores it, find a new club, or a new job.
-Don’t get wasted and act a fool in the dressing room.
-If you need to relax, the dressing room is the place to do it, but if you need to yell, scream, blow steam, etc. get dressed and go to your car or leave for the evening. Do not bring your negativity on to other dancers any more than you do your customers (which I hope you don’t!)
-Don’t make fun of other girls. Not only does it make you look mean and ugly, but if you’re so much better than all the girls at your club, you might as well upgrade, you’ll make more at a nicer place anyway.
When There is No Money at Your Club
I got a request today for a blog post on what to do if there just isn’t any money at your club. I think it’s a really awesome topic that I most certainly have struggled with myself. It feels really good to be able to share my experiences with you and help you cope a little better. During the summer most clubs die down a lot, and by mid-July it’s almost unbearable in some places. There are a couple of different ways to go about tackling this problem, although not all of them are applicable to everyone. Let’s outline some of your options, discuss each one briefly, and then go into each a little more in depth in follow up posts throughout the next couple of days. Each one has so much merit that I would be doing you a great injustice by trying to squeeze in all the information you need to really begin to master each. In my experience, these methods will not only increase your profits for the time being, but each has a special element to it that will aide you in your own personal (non stripper) journey.
1.Leave
2. Evolve
3. Promote
4. Supplement
5. Come to terms
Traveling Dancers are more abundant now than ever. I remember the first time a dancer told me she was going to dance cross country, and I was thrilled for her. If you have ever wanted to travel, summer is the best time for it! Sometimes you just about break even, but there are definitely some things you can do to cut your cost. Clearly, traveling to dance is not an option for everyone, as many of us have children or day jobs, but if your club really sucks, I suggest traveling to dance as much as possible until you find a place that you like better, at which point I urge you to relocate. More on that later!
Evolving as a dancer is one of the most exciting things this job can offer you. When you decide to graduate from being a run of the mill stripper to a business woman, all sorts of new worlds will open up for you. Learning basic sales tactics, cutting back on your drinking, being a better conversationalist, and understanding what men want and looking and acting the part are integral to your continued success in the business. I urge you to read anything you can on how to get people to say “yes” and how to close sales. Google and Amazon are going to be your best friends here, and they’re going to have to do until I write my book and give you all my secrets.
Promoting your business is something that all successful people do. I am pretty sure that somewhere between shame and ignorance lies the reason why dancers do not follow suit. Trust me when I say that building yourself a following while maintaining your privacy is absolutely possible! If there are only 10 guys in your club all night, but 2 of them come specifically to see you, you may be well on your way to a $1,000 night, while everyone else settles for $50.
Supplement your income with other things. Whether you start an etsy and sell things you make, become a phone sex operator (surprisingly lucrative), start camming (do your research first), get a day job, procure yourself a regular, or get paid to take quizzes online is irrelevant. If you’re not making money dancing, start looking for something else. There is NO REASON WHATSOEVER to put yourself through the mental anguish of stripping if it does not pay off monetarily. You are literally just stroking your inner dysfunction, and that’s something we want to fix, not encourage.
Come to terms with the fact that there just isn’t any money. Accepting the truth gives you power. If you are consistently a top earner at every club you work at and just can’t seem to get it going where you’re at, then you just need to be honest with yourself and either switch clubs (if that’s an option) or change the truth. If you aren’t making a lot of money right now dancing, consider that maybe the universe is urging you to do something else or to come up with a creative solution to the problem. Whatever you do, don’t ever bend or break your personal rules or cross your personal boundaries in the name of money. Instead, use your brain to tinker with reality. In the midst of tragedy is when your best work will come out.
*please watch yourself this summer. When we’re bored at work is typically when we numb ourselves with drugs and alcohol. It would break my heart to see you develop a chemical dependency just because things are slow. It’s really important to realize that long after you are ready to quit dancing, your cravings to get fucked up will continue. They will impact everyone in your life, especially your children. Please stay sober or choose pot.
Promoting Yourself As A Stripper or Sex Worker
If you are reading this, you are already on the internet. What that means is that you have a valuable marketing tool right in front of you, and you should definitely use it. In order to effectively promote yourself, you are going to need to set a schedule. Working the same days every week is really the best way to go, but since I can’t manage to do it, I am not going to suggest that you do. Just know at the beginning of each week what days you’ll work and MAKE SURE TO SHOW UP. If a customer comes to see you and you aren’t there, you are running the risk of losing him to another dancer.
Right now, set yourself up a work email and a google voice account, even if you’re not a “give out your number” dancer. You should set your google voicemail up to that account, and at the beginning of each week you should change your voicemail to say something like, “Hi, you’ve reached Chase, thanks for calling! If you want to catch up this week, I will be dancing at the _____ club from 7 to close on Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. I hope to see you soon!”
There is really no reason not to do this. It’s free, it’s simple, and it keeps you from ever having to say, “I don’t give out my number,” or giving a fake number and losing him forever. There is no reason to lie to customers about how to get in touch with you, make it easier for them, just don’t let them into your real life. You can even get business cards made up with your google voicemail number and stripper email on it if you really want to. These are great to hand out to creepy old men who hit on you or look at you uncomfortably while you’re putting gas in your car. If a guy is being a creep, that means he wants to see you naked. If he wants to see you naked badly enough he will pay you for it.
Another thing I suggest is to do what this girl did. What a brilliant idea. You can use a twitter account, facebook, tumblr, wordpress, blogspot, etc. all to promote yourself without giving yourself away. Men love mystery, so not showing your face or blurring it out is totally acceptable for promotional purposes. Do not see each customer as a one time deal, get him back, build your customer base, and watch your stress about the summer blues fade into the past. Loyal customers will get you through all sorts of lulls and are almost as important to your security as your savings and health insurance.
What My Money Customers Say About Me
Money customers love me. It doesn’t matter that I am covered in tattoos, that I grew up poor and sometimes lack decorum, that I don’t bother with jewelry or curling my hair, my boobs are real and kinda deflating, that I have the world’s most embarassingly tiny ass—business men are my men, all the time.
Why? What really stands out about me? It’s really simple.
I am confident. I smile A LOT, I am sober, I am witty and funny, and I say “Oh stop it!” to at least every other compliment. I am able to talk to them about things that they are interested in—after all, I am an educated business woman, myself! Nothing turns a brainy customer on more than a stripper who is “on the level.” I am constantly told that it is my energy, and the fact that I am tuned in-not zoned out when I am dancing for a guy. Lots of eye contact and ear breathing…yes, it turns them into animals, but rich animals are my absolute favorite kind.
Stripping is not something to do to feel good about yourself. Stripping is something you do to make a customer feel good about himself, then you take his money and do something with it that will give you the desired “I love me” feeling (go to school! start a business! make art! buy a home!) that you were originally trying to obtain by talking a lot about yourself, twirling your hair, and acting like a bitch diva.
So how do you become a witty, fearless, happy stripper? LEARN. Knowledge is power. When you know what you are doing, there is nothing at all to be afraid of. BE NICE. A good core group of dancers is imperative to be happy at your club. If it’s really awful at your club, again, read this and this. Controlling the Vibe is probably the post that I think is the most powerful I’ve posted thus far. LAUGH. This guy wants to see you smile! His wife and kids probably don’t show him much of their youthful, carefree sides. Customers see us as having money, and thus not having problems. Give them their fantasy*!
Please be happy, be safe, and shine from the inside—it shows!
Love,
Chase
*some rare and occasional customers have a captain save a ho complex, be an astute profiler!
Strip Club Horror: He Came in His Pants
Oh, the horror. The dread. The sheer disgust you experience the first time a customer climaxes during your dance. If you haven’t had the pleasure yet, it’s probably best that you prepare yourself now. Unless you work in a no contact club, the chances of this happening are pretty good. Lots of these guys haven’t been laid in a very long time, and you are so beautiful and lovely with your nipples pointing skyward and that perfect lil booty! As an adult entertainer, this is just one more of the adult dilemmas you will be faced with. But what are you supposed to do?
The first step would be to avoid having this happen in the first place. Some girls grind in lap dances, some don’t. That is totally your prerogative and neither is better than the other, but if you are a grinder, I highly recommend taking grind breaks. Only grind in the same position for a few seconds, 10-20 tops. I think it’s a good idea to have a few “pose” moves that you do during your dance which require little to no movement, and maybe little to no contact as well to let him wind down before you transition into the next move.
Secondly, you should use your judgement. I am going to assume that most strippers have had at least *some* sexual experience and can tell when a guy is really turned on. Some clues that your Joe is about to blow include: a change in breathing, seemingly voluntary hip thrusting (may actually be involuntary, like dogs when they hump. ugh), and his penis becoming much more erect. The chances are that your guy will have a boner for at least some of the dance, but if it is so rock hard that it is bruising your ass cheek, you might want to ease up a little.
If you can tell the guy is aroused enough that he might orgasm, that’s great. Hold him there as long as you can. When a guy is on the edge, he literally can’t say no. Your goal is not to make him cum in his pants, it’s to make him *almost* cum in his pants.
If you did everything you could to avoid the explosion, but the sad wet spot appeared anyway, you need to go ahead and do some damage control. Avoid the instinct to freak out. Don’t tell the man that he is disgusting, even if he is! Why on earth would you do that??? An orgasm isn’t disgusting, and if someone ever condemned you for having one, you would feel either angry or traumatized, depending on your feelings for the person pointing the angry finger at you. If you stayed within your comfortable boundaries, you should be proud to be able to bring a man to orgasm without bending them! Take this as a compliment, no matter how grossed out you are. It’s totally ok to laugh or act uncomfortable, but it is NOT ok to embarrass this man and make him feel like a dirty monster. You signed up for this job, if you don’t like that men have biological reactions to your beautiful body, then maybe you should try telemarketing. It also pays quite well!
I know, you are grossed out. Girl, so am I, but I am an adult. I can handle all situations gracefully (although I have been known to use antics to get my way if I know it will work!) That’s what makes me an entertainer. You have two choices, you can act uncomfortable, or you can act proud. You need to decide what works best with your personality and what will work best on that particular customer, but make sure you handle it without putting him on blast (at least to other customers…it’s totally expected that you warn the other girls and try not to slut shame the girl who doesn’t care and dances for him anyway.)
I usually just laugh. I say, “Wow! I didn’t really expect that, but who could blame a guy!?” and I make sure I tell him that his little thrill just cost him extra. If you’re in VIP or a champagne room, you can get away with charging hundreds more, but if the guy is clearly an average Joe Blow, you are probably going to have to settle for less. I wouldn’t ever ask for less than $50 personally. Keep in mind that I am only talking about climaxes caused with his pants ON with no genital contact. I am not suggesting you sell extras for $50 (please don’t!!).
He is probably going to want to make a quick escape and sometimes asks you to stop mid song. You have to be quick with quoting him a price. Before he even asks what he owes, get off his lap and quote him your price. If he questions it or says “but I only got 3 dances!” you say, “Your thrill cost extra! That was your tip, I certainly deserve mine!” or something cute and witty like that. Remember not to be mad. Mad doesn’t work in this situation! If he refuses to tip you, you probably just need to fold, unless you think your manager would agree that cumming in your pants warrants a tip. You know your managers, so act accordingly, just don’t act crazy! Remember that your little story is nothing new to club management, so acting like it’s the end of the world won’t get you far.
It’s not the end of the world. If you think it is, this job might be a little rougher than you had originally anticipated. I wish you the best of luck!
Until next time, try not to grind so damned hard, and have a great week!
xx
Chase
Why Strip Club Customers are So Mean and How to Handle Them.
Customers can be pretty cruel. I have been made fun of for my tattoos, for my skin tone, my age, my natural boobs, my build, and my personality. It’s unfortunate, but unhappy people need an outlet for their misery, and since it typically backfires to speak to your wife like a piece of shit, it’s not uncommon that men come to the club to treat us that way. The other day when I was telling my (male) room mate about something a customer said to me that had me really upset, he laughed and said, “Man, I’m gonna come to the strip club and pay a stripper to be really mean to her, that would be awesome.” Instead of losing it on him, which I really wanted to do, I took it in stride and learned something valuable from his ignorance. When customers (or anyone, really) treats you like garbage, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You cannot take personally the things that are said to you by men you meet in the club. They really are only there to fulfill their fantasy, which you are a vessel of. If a customer comes to the club looking to fall in love, and you are his type, he will fall in love with you. If a customer comes to the club looking to take out his frustrations, you will become the recipient of his anger.
I know you didn’t exactly ask what to do in this situation, but since this is a how-to blog, I am going to take the liberty to tell you how I handle rude customers.
The initial reaction of most dancers is to get upset, or tell the customer to fuck off, or storm off and complain to other customers/dancers, but in my opinion, there are way better options.
Setting aside the fact that some of the best customers ever are ones that have had their nights converted from miserable to awesome, the most important issue here is that by allowing a comment made by one customer to have a domino effect on your evening is counterproductive, so the ABSOLUTE last thing you should do is dwell on it. There is really no need to tell other dancers about it, unless they are new girls and you are worried about them getting their feelings hurt, or they are pros and you think that they can milk the money out of your curmudgeon. Any other motive you might have for sharing your negativity is moot.
Telling the customer off is also counterproductive. Girls love telling off rude customers. Blowing steam feels good, especially when you are really angry at your job and the way that you are treated, but remember, just like you didn’t like when that rude customer took out his anger on you, you shouldn’t take yours out on him, even if he was incredibly hurtful. The reality is, that unless he said something specifically meant to victimize you, it’s not worth it. You are going to lose your cool and take out alllll of the negativity that the strip club put into you on this guy, and you are going to be doing it in plain sight of other customers. Not only is this a misappropriation of your anger (you might be a great Domme, if you really like flipping out on assholes), but it makes you look like you’re on edge to everyone else. Strippers are tough, we need to show people that we can handle ALL situations gracefully, not that we are fragile, broken little girls who break when someone says something mean to us. Most of us have been judged all our lives, you can’t possibly say it hurts too bad to be talked down to by someone who pays for sweaty boobs in his face.
On top of it, this shitty dude *might* actually be a good customer (or his friends might be) and just because you don’t want to put up with his negativity, that doesn’t mean someone else can’t.
Some nights, I have no energy for rude customers, and in my younger days, I gave them what they asked for, but these days, when I have the mojo for it, I love those cranky fucks. If they can avoid getting kicked out of the club by a bouncer for telling a girl that her pussy stinks or something else unnecessary, I can usually have them laughing and throwing money in no time, which turns the grump into a regular. If we can get someone who hates EVERYTHING to love strip clubs, well then, ladies, we just got a tad bit richer.
The moral of the story is: If you’re the type of woman who loves a challenge: a kind interaction can warm a frigid heart and build you an incredibly generous and loyal customer. If you don’t want to take on that particular challenge or the guy isn’t worth it, move on, but don’t dwell. Their negativity isn’t about you, it’s about them.
How Pro Strippers Make Regulars
Anyone who dances knows that the best money comes from being a stripper who attracts regulars. I want to tell you how I do it.
The other night I had a customer the who was really sweet.
He had been going through a really hard time. A bad divorce, some time locked up, lost his kid to his ex, working 60 hours a week at a job he hated, and NO strip club experience/etiquette. Typically an annoying guy, but since it was early on a Sunday, the club was really slow, I decided to go talk to him. It seemed like everyone was avoiding him because he was sitting in a kind of unapproachable spot, but I assume that’s only because he wasn’t really comfortable. He had heard about my club on the radio and decided to come out for our Sunday happy hour special, which is $10 dances all night. People with no strip club experience make the perfect regulars, because n one has gotten in there and burned him, given him too much for too little, or fucked him up some other annoying way. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to take on the project of converting him to my regular.
I was really sweet and patient, showed him a great time, gave him some heartfelt advice, and took 2 shots with him (a serious limit for me). On $10 dance nights I still always charge $20, but a lot of customers who hear the ad expect to pay the “sale” price. Here is how I get around that.
“So this is really only your second time at a strip club? Do you know how it works here?”
Even if he knows, he is going to prompt you to tell him. He wants to hear your menu. Dances here are typically $20 anywhere in the club, but options are key. People gravitate towards the middle ground, so 3 choices is best.
“So, since it’s Sunday, we are running a $10 dance special. They take place here in your seat, there is absolutely no touching, and I leave my top on. We can also go against the wall back there, and those are $20. We also have private VIP dances, which are way more intimate, allow touching, and are really fun. Which do you think you want to do?”
He chose the $20 dances, and we did a few. Then I gave him a massage for awhile, and charged $10 a song. Eventually I excused myself because I was bored of him, and could feel his attention wavering. The club had picked up, so I went in search of greener pastures. I knew I showed him a great time and he’d want to see me again, so I offered my email, even though he is FAR from a regular. It was actually his first time in a club since the 90’s. Today I received an email from him. It read as follows:
Hi Chase. Hope all is well with you. This J the guy with the skull
hat. I was there Sunday. Just wanted to say thanks alot! For taking
your time and talking and being real. You made my night. You and the
drinks got me loosen up. So I went with it and had fun. dance with
others to. Nice place! easy going. Stiil I had best time hanging with
you. Send me a line as to when you work and if its not a work night
Ill come out. dont worry I wont hang on you. I know you need to work.
Thanks very much for your email. very sweet. Hope to here from you.
take care, have fun.
J
How lovely. It feels nice to help someone when they are having a hard time. Sometimes people just want to relax and have fun, and I am lucky to be professional and personable enough that I can feel okay about charging for it. If you take someone who is down in the dumps for a ride, take all of their money, and treat them like a trick, you are a shithead. Don’t be a part of the problem, people already think we are thieving whores, that’s why they don’t care when we get raped or murdered. Being a good person is your responsibility, we need you to help us get the respect we deserve! I know that I am not a negative thing for this guy, so taking his money is A-OK. There are lots of occupations in which you get paid to help people, and dancing can definitely be one of them. It really is one of the more exciting and rewarding parts of the job, to be able to give someone who never gets to smile a great night. Sooooo I did that for this guy, made a regular, and then got to write an awesome blog about it to share with you all the ins and outs of how to be successful, ethical, and rich young ladies! How good is life, can you tell me?
How to be a stripper, become a stripper, stripper tips, becoming a stripper, stripper blog, how to strip, how to poledance, stripper school, stripper 101, stripping, strippers only, stripper blog, stripper blogger
How Hard Lies Hurt Your Business
I was talking to an industry friend today about ploys to make money, and how strippers manipulate customers into spending. My friend, who has been dancing for a year, said that it’s a guaranteed good night if you say it’s your first day. I have known strippers who have a birthday every month, and those who have made up elaborate crises on a weekly basis to get money. While I know that it’s true that these things DO work short term, I have found that in the long term it really messes with you and your money to use hard lies like that to hook customers in, not to mention the type of customer it attracts.
This kind of money is “easy come, easy go” money. Fortune favors those who show it respect. I love money, truly and deeply. I treat it like I treat a lover. I protect it, spend it on things I truly cherish, collect it in neat stacks, NEVER waste it, but loving the money isn’t enough. You have to love the source. Imagine you had a chicken who laid eggs made out of gold (bear with me here), if you fed the hen hormones to make it lay more often, shocked it into laying cycles by starving it or dehydrating it, you would get more eggs for a little while, but eventually, your hen would die or the quality of the eggs would suffer. Your customers WANT to give you money, they are already going to do it, but if you treat them poorly and milk them too often (switching barnyard animals), eventually they will be drained. Not only will they stop responding to you, but they may avoid the clubs all together from then on, labeling strippers as “manipulative, lying, thieving assholes” who don’t deserve love, attention, or financial help. For the good of your money and the good of the lovely people in this industry, don’t paint us that way!
The strip club offers you a marvelous opportunity to meet people who can and will definitely help you in your future. Business men from all over the world hang out in strip clubs, looking to find that perfect stripper to give their money and affection to. If that person is you, and you make a goal of showing that person a good time, letting them get to know you a little, and building a relationship based on trust vs. manipulation, you can keep these guys. Don’t be so cocky to think that you will magically “find” this right guy if you don’t show respect for your customers. The rich guys will pass right over you, whales know a snake when they see one. If they are suckers and fail to see it, in time your true colors will show and they will either become hopelessly addicted to you (check back tomorrow for an article on this), or leave you in the dust. If you are a snake, will be stuck nickel and dime-ing suckers for your entire career, eventually getting too old to make money that way (or any way) and you will have built NONE of the sales techniques that stripping provides, which are the things that qualify us so well for PR, marketing, entrepreneurship, psychology, public speaking, sales, and countless other “customer centered” business ventures later in our lives.
When you don’t respect your money, and you don’t respect your clientele, your money doesn’t stick to you. Although the strip club seems like a place where all the laws of nature stop applying, it’s not true. Karma is real in all places. If you are an asshole, life will be shitty to you. If you are good and genuine, life will be good to you.
Like I’ve said a million times before, your habits determine who you are, and while “hustling” might get you ahead for the moment, being manipulative will in the long term destroy your money AND your character. Am I saying never lie? Of course not. White lies protect your identity, your safety, and your privacy. (Read Maintaining your Privacy)
Are some of the guys in the club assholes who deserve to be robbed? Maybe. I guess there are quite a few bad apples in the club, but in my experience avoiding these customers all together rather than ripping them off seems to improve my overall mental health, which I think is the most important thing, but the other thing I want thing to stress here is that without lying (much), without stealing, manipulating, or selling hard extras, my money has actually improved quite a bit over time, and I rarely have to “hustle.” It’s so often that I have a regular who I don’t even dance for. I just hang out and have a good time, tell jokes, and laugh. I have one customer in particular who I have stayed close with for YEARS who still regularly gives me money, often times without even seeing him. I have countless others who I could call if I ever really WAS in a bind (unlikely). They will always be there for me because they know I won’t take advantage of them. I won’t fake a crisis to get money, I will respect them, care about their well-being, and stay in touch. When these customers “help” me, it’s with my tuition, my car payment, putting new tires on my vehicle, vet bills, etc. I don’t fake things, and I CERTAINLY don’t create crises in order to sucker someone. Don’t purposely ruin your life so someone will feel like they need to save you. That logic is so illogical, that I can’t even call it logic.
Everyone knows that all regulars have a shelf life, but how do some girls keep their regulars for years? How do the hose people you have heard of who have gotten houses and cars? They have built relationships that last with people who are happy to help. When you are the kind of person who exploits people’s loneliness to make a cheap buck, you poison yourself and your golden egg-layin’ hen. When you share a moment, uplift your customer, and see yourself as a positive force, you are nourishing your hen, ensuring that it lives a long life, and maybe even survives long enough to support you during a career change.
You’re easier to love if you’re a good person all the time. Your actions define you to your customers AND to your real life friends. Make them virtuous, you will be happier.
xx
Chase
Every Stripper is an Extras Girl
Soon after becoming a stripper, you will realize that we spend a lot of time judging each other, personal boundaries become a standard by which a girl’s character is determined. Self esteem issues and shame are abound in the club, and often girls use the “I’m better than you because at least I’m not a ho,” logic to bolster their own egos. How many people have looked down on you unfairly because of your job? More than a few, I bet, but that ivy league girl you went to high school with who has no daddy issues and a rich family is no better than you because she has never taken her clothes off for money. You are no better than a girl who allows people to touch her or escorts on the side based on her boundaries. Different things work for different people. If you have ever met a “pro-ho” you know what I’m talking about. These are the girls who are very professional, handle their business, are comfortable with what they’re doing, they don’t hurt the business of the club (if they work in one), and they are discreet in their business should they choose to conduct it somewhere that discretion is necessary. They know what their boundaries are and respect them, they don’t need to take a xanax or a shot to do their business, and it’s because they are totally OK with it–the same way good strippers are totally OK with taking off their tops and/or panties. Many girls have paid their way through school, travelled the world, or retired early on escort money, and really, if you do the same with your stripper money, how are you guys any different? You CAN determine a person’s value based on their actions, but not based on their boundaries.
The ONLY time it is OK to judge someone based on their boundaries is if you can tell they are in over their head, and it should be less of a judgement and more of an observation. It isn’t uncommon to see girls who are addicts, or playing a supporting role in a codependent relationship, or working under a pimp in this industry, but those girls are different. Those girls need help, not judgement, and you are compounding their problems by shit talking them. If you have something to say, let it be encouraging words of kindness, don’t sit in the back and laugh at these poor babies. They are going through it, probably worse than you can imagine. Your kindness might be the difference between life and death for someone. Realize the impact of your words.
The truth is, in one way or another we are all extras girls. If you aren’t charging extra money for things like fetishes, role playing, dirty talk, an hour of “chillin”, or whatever else your market wants, you are missing out. I am not suggesting that you should give extra mileage to customers. I don’t think it’s necessarily the best idea to turn tricks within the club, in fact it can be a really terrible idea since strip clubs are hot spots for vice raids, and I am not saying you should turn tricks in general, but what I am saying is that there is more money in the club than just lap dance money, it’s up to you hustle it, and stop being negative towards others. It’s not helping you or the club AT ALL. If you are one of the girls who sit in the dressing room complaining that there is “no money because so-and-so is a ho,” you are losing money because you’re being lazy, you have a negative attitude, and you don’t have the right focus, not because so-and-so sells extras. If the club you are in is an extras club and you don’t sell them, quit. You will eventually get taken down in a raid for someone else’s indiscretion. If you work at a club with a few extras girls, consider yourself a regular old stripper. Every club has at least one, and if it doesn’t affect my money, it shouldn’t affect yours!
Stop the hate, show support, believe in UNITY. We can help each other, and that is a beautiful gift.
xx
Chase
Taming Your Emotions
About 3 weeks ago I finished a book that had been on my list for awhile. Between having a childhood that lacked guidance, running this blog, and being an entertainer myself, I often turn to books to answer the difficult questions this industry has brought up. Over and over in books like The Power of Now, The Road Less Traveled, The Secret, The Art of Loving, The Dance of Anger, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Power of Positive Thinking and a ton more finance and self help books proclaim the same thing. You cannot act in response to your emotions. You need make your emotions respond to you.
After weeks of contemplating, I have rewritten the concept (with the help of my trusty steed–a 5 year old Pomeranian), and I am now passing it on to you. This WILL help you make money, and it will help you to preserve your sanity. Guaranteed. I am going to break it down Dr. M Scott Peck’s way, but instead of using the awful analogy he used (if you read it you know what I’m referring to), I will call you the master, and I will call your emotions your pet.
A good dogs sits, stays, and comes when commanded. They don’t beg and they are ready to defend you from an intruder. A good dog knows it’s place and can help it’s master accomplish many things. The best dogs can sniff bombs and rescue babies from burning buildings and even serve as eyes for those who cannot see.
Bad dogs, though, they jump up on children and scratch them. They bark at every passerby, out of fear or aggression, or a simple compulsion to make their presence known. They sit next to your chair and whine while you are trying to enjoy a meal. They chew your Louboutins and piss on your new couch and they tear up your beautiful garden. The worst dogs attack people or other animals.
But when you think about the dog, are they really bad or good? Or is this just a matter of discipline? Seeing eye dogs and canine units go through extensive training to achieve all of the wonderful things they achieve. Is it ever the dog’s fault that it lacks a sense of purpose, that it must act out in order to get noticed? Of course not. It is up to the master to set boundaries, to choose battles, to show her pet when it does not need to fear.
Have we, as young women, not acted out when what we need is guidance, love, support and understanding? Can we not understand this behaviour? When we are longing for something, security, happiness, money, love…these are the times that our emotions get out of control, when they act for us. This longing is our enemy, it messes everything up. What we need is self discipline.
A dog’s place is at the end of it’s human’s leash. It’s sole desire in life is to bring you happiness, to serve and protect you, but in order to reap the benefits that this infinitely generous creature can offer you, you must speak to it with kindness and firmness, train it, show it it’s purpose in life. Your dog WANTS to make you happy, but it only has the tools that you give it.
So learn, like you train your trusty BFF, to train your emotions. When you feel your blood boiling, your temperature rising, your hands trembling with anger or disgust, sternly say to your anger, “Nooooo.” and pull on it’s leash. Give it a firm hand, show it that you are in control, and it can trust you. And in return, show trust in it. When your dog is sad or sick, treat it with understanding and tenderness. Reach down a hand and give it a comforting pet on the head. Say, “Good girl,” when it’s earned.
We have all heard the stories of the amazing animals that have saved their families from burning buildings or the peril of drowning. It’s true, like golden retrievers, your feelings can warn you and protect you from harm. It is up to you to spend enough time with your emotions to understand which bark is just chatter and which is an alarm. Like a well-loved pet, your must get to know your feelings…become comfortable enough with them that you actually hear what they’re saying, not just try and quiet the barks, ruffs, and whimpers.
So what does this have to do with stripping? Probably a lot. You need to harness excitement, happiness, and approachability to make money without degrading yourself. People DO like sad strippers sometimes, but those people are not people you need to come in contact with. Avoid them. Additionally, most girls in the industry often let their emotions get the best of them, which is why they are best suited for a job that takes them in all their erratic and irrational childish glory, and this inability to control one’s emotions is what keeps them stuck in the industry forever. Not that this job isn’t REAL, because it’s as real as it gets, but in the COMMON world, no one is going to tolerate your outbursts. You can’t say to a client at a law firm, “Don’t TALK like that, you are SO GROSS,” throw a drink at them, and walk away. In the strip club, though, your craziness is tolerated. It shouldn’t be tolerable to you, though! You can’t let yourself get that way, just because your job allows it….of any occupation, this one will stretch you to your max and having control of your emotions will determine if you sink or swim. It will be the deciding factor between those of you who start successful business and those who down into a hole of addiction and defeat. If you ever want out of this kind of work, if you don’t want to become this industry, you need to learn about your emotions, you need to learn to love them, to be kind to them, and to discipline them so that they can best protect you from this scary world. Hope is a girls best friend. Good luck and be safe out there this weekend.
Chase K.
What to Do When the Standards Drop at the Strip Club You Work At?
Q: I work at a very nice club. I live conveniently close, and I get treated well by management and I love all the house girls .. Here lately they have been hiring some less classy girls and the energy and vibes in the club have been off. I’m finding it harder to stay positive and stay all night and work. Please help!
A: If you really love your club, try and talk to the managers. Go in and speak to the GM specifically, and be humble. Understand that strip clubs are a business, and dancers are the club’s best customers. If a club has 20 dancers a night and charges $40 a night for each girl, they will make $290,000 each fiscal year.
When I first realized this, I was really angry, but then I realized that business is business, and if you can’t beat them (I for one am very angry with the girls suing clubs for charging house fees), join them.
We are in a partnership with management, so when approaching them, make sure you keep this in mind. Be articulate and let them know that you understand the business and money is everyone’s objective. Understand that more girls for them equals more money, but explain that when they saturate your market and lower their standards, it hurts your money. Desperate girls can really hurt your profits. Once your manager knows that you understand his or her point of view, they will be more likely to hear you out on yours. If you have always been professional and you are consistent and polite to your coworkers and have been a generous tipper throughout your career, this is when it pays off. Then ask your manager if you can work at a discounted house fee. There are clubs where I have never paid to work, just tip outs, and I have never had a manager deny me a negotiation.
Also, without getting too involved, try and be kind to the other girls. Unless they are the tweaker girls who latch on and will never leave you alone, a kind smile and a little bit of understanding may change your whole perception, and if you are nice to them and they see you making a lot of money, you can help them clean up their acts a little just by setting a positive example. Remember that a lot of the most depressing girls in the industry have a really shitty story, and what you are dealing with them is NOTHING compared to what some of them go through on a daily basis. With this understanding of the entire situation, you can change your mindset. Also, if you are nice to the new girls, they are more likely to listen to you. You can say, “Hey, girl, you don’t have to do all that, here. These guys will pay you just to talk!” or “I just don’t understand why girls get so close to guys on the floor. If you make him wait until he’s in VIP to touch, the time passes so much quicker!” You are going to get more flies with honey than vinegar. When girls who have a rougher life perspective, they’re just doing what they think they have to do to get money. Show them a better way; EVERYONE wants to work smarter instead of harder. You can tell them about my website and other dancer websites–I am about to get some stickers ordered and you can plaster them on the lockers-maybe they just need someone to take the time out to teach them a better way.
Don’t repeat to yourself over and over that there is no money because of xyz, just stay your positive, beautiful self.
If none of this works, you can always considering looking for clubs in other cities and going away for weekends to work. Lots of cities are still doing well, find one you love and go there often. If you’re a top tier girl, you should have no problem getting hired!
xx
Why Smile: The Science of Stripper Sales
Dear Vacant-Stripper-Eyes, So-Hot-I’m-Bored, Jaded-Better-Than-You Entertainers-
You! The one up on the stage mouthing the words to that same Nickleback song we’ve heard a million times with your gaze blankly fixed on your own reflection. Yes, YOU, staring off into space thinking about your grocery list or studying the fat roll you get during your lapdances nowadays, you are killing your profits and numbing your soul with your inability to be present and mindful during your shift. Cut it out!
Hello! Are you here? Checked in? Available to comment? This is your savings account calling. Please help! I know it gets redundant but I really want your moneys! Please start smiling more, so that I can grow!
-Smiling actually releases endorphins in your brain. Even a fake smile will make you happier, and being happy will make you money. Customers hate jaded strippers. The world in general thinks are jobs are easy (they’re wrong, but we indulge fantasy here) and they do not want to hear about how hard your day has been, and they DEFINITELY don’t want to read it on your face.
-A smile makes you approachable to men. Pretty women are really intimidating to most guys. In fact, inability to talk to them is what brings most money customers into a club, so make yourself as easy to speak to as possible by lowering your wall down.
-Smiling makes you more approachable by coworkers, too. The girls I work with love my positive attitude and that I never bitch that there is no money. I often ask girls what their plans to do with the GIANT STACKS they’re about to make and I like to tell jokes as often as possible to keep them giggling. The culture in your club is largely dictated by the individuals who work there. You are one of those; so contribute to the pack by being a nice girl with something good to say.
-Eye contact makes all the difference. Connection makes a sale, even from the stage. During private rooms, private dances, stage sets, and just sitting around waiting for my guy, I try to engage as many people into prolonged eye contact. Combined with a delayed smile, this is as good as ANY one liner, if not better. Entertainers must learn to SMIZE. Y’all fierce ass models, afterall!
-As cliche as it is, the eyes are the window to the soul. Everyone loves a soulful performer more than a plain hot one. Humans feed off of one another’s energy. Tune in and experience this totally crazy life you’re living. It’s (if nothing else) interesting as hell and worth paying attention to!
Giving A Bitch What's Coming to Her
I was out with a guy I was dating and a stripper friend when a drunk girl flat out tried to start a brawl with us. Defense mode activated, as my mind flooded with the memories of a thousand stripper fights and an unsurmounted amount dressing room drama, that (I will be the first to admit) I haven’t always handled with utmost grace.
So here we are trying to get a decent view of the performance we came to see and the short girl behind us was FREAKING OUT that she couldn’t see over my friend’s head. We could have moved, but it was general admission and a packed house; not too many decent places to go. We weren’t in the wrong and we quite liked where we were standing, but the passive aggressive commentary escalated to insults, and eventually she slammed into me with her shoulder on her way to the “ladies” room. I felt my blood boiling. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath while I decided what to do. Kill? Perhaps.
I looked to my right at my friend, who knows that I am a seasoned stripper from New Jersey who does not take sh*t from anyone; I look to my right and see the guy that I’m dating, who adores and respects me and knows me as an ultimately loving, tolerant, and beautiful person. Then I looked down and see the $900 Saint Laurent heels that I was wearing and decided it was go time.
Although yelling at this girl, shaming her for her squat stature and subsequent inability to see over my statuesque goddess friends’ head, and possibly throwing my cocktail in her eyes was beyond tempting, I remembered what good any of those times that I snapped with the intention of “putting someone in their place.” None. Fighting back when people have been assholes to me has literally never been a winning tactic, and has cost me more opportunity than it has ever earned me “street cred.” (Even if the aforementioned street cred DID outweigh the consequences, what good did it really do me? What, was I in prison serving a life sentence?)
And although this is a bar story, we can all attest that the scenario is common in strip clubs. The mixture of alcohol, immaturity, money, personal ethics, and ego crash hard in dressing rooms and although watching beautiful mostly nude women pull each others’ weaves out is BY FAR one of the most entertaining things to witness ever; it certainly isn’t doing anything to change the stigma or contribute to personal growth by being one of the women IN the actual fight.
So I thought about my shoes and my boyfriend and my level of compassion, understanding, grace, and tolerance, and when the woman returned and started fussing with my friend again, I leaned down and said, “Honey, do you want to stand with us? I understand we are in the way of your view but why don’t you just come stand next to us? My name is Chase, this is Stephanie, and like you, we are here to have a good time, not to ruin yours. Let’s have fun. Can I buy you a drink?”
AND SHE STOPPED. AND APOLOGIZED. AND SHOOK MY HAND. AND WALKED AWAY.
Street cred: owned. Self respect: earned. Pride: off the charts. Lesson: learned. My friend and date looked at me like I was some magical Mother Teresa, and I think in that particular moment I actually “grew up.” I thought about the dozens of times earlier in my career that I felt a false need to defend my rights or prove myself as a strong person and everything became clear. I proved more strength in my tolerance than I ever had with violence or anger.
The point of the story is not to let some b*tch ruin your night. Don’t get caught up in the drunken barbarism of anyone, let alone someone you work with, handling yourself with grace is SO rewarding, and had this happened at work and not at home, it would have doubled my self confidence for the evening and thereby made me tons of money.
Happy Hustlin
They love us they hate us they want to bring us to Europe
Hey y’all
Sorry for being MIA lately–I have been focusing so much on personal projects and dancing 5-6 nights a week, so I haven’t had much time to write about it, but some things keep coming up that I can’t help but address. Recently I had a run in at my place of business. A customer spent a ridiculous amount of money (5 digits) on me and another entertainer. During that time, I had mistakenly given the customer my phone number; a thing we all do from time to time even if we preach against it and even if it’s against the rules. In this case, I had used the customers phone to send myself a photo that he had taken while we were in our champagne room. It’s a good photo, you can see why I’d want it.
At the end of the night (7 AM) the customer got angry because I asked him for a tip instead of asking for the name of his hotel. Tens of thousands of dollars in, this guy wanted a cuddle partner or two in his bed. Neither she nor I are offer extras, so that was out of the question. The problem is, now this guy had my number and he was sort of unstable, and he wasn’t getting what he wanted. The argument is that I shouldn’t have asked for a tip at the end from both his and my clubs point of view, and perhaps they’re right, but I think the bigger mistake was giving out my number. Had I not done that, he would have still spent the money but he would not have had the opportunity to do what he did next.
The texts started about 15 minutes after I left club property. Asking me to go on vacation. Telling me he fell in love with me. Asking when he can see me again. Referring to himself aptly as “needy boy.” Talking about how we “connected” and al of a sudden I realize that my home address and last name are attached to that cell phone. I never answered or responded to his texts; quite frankly I wasn’t feeling so safe anymore. Then the call from my club came: the customer is disputing the charges and I might be losing my job because of the exaggerated (read: bullshit) story he painted to the management when he realized I wasn’t going to be his girlfriend for the evening or in the future and wouldn’t respond to his messages.
I got to the internet and started asking my twitter followers if they had had any similar experiences. Immediately I had responses like this:
@SurviveTheClub messed up and gave a custy my email. He traced that to my name, and then my Mom’s phone number. Get weird voicemails now
— Stripper Diary (@StripperTruth) June 9, 2014
It should have been common sense to me, but I was still living in 2010. Immediately, though, a lightbulb went off in my mind. It isn’t the same as it was a few years ago; personal information is accessible to common people through the internet if they know where to look and are willing to pay a few bucks for it. The mental health crisis is in full, glaring effect, and where do crazy people go to be “understood?” To sex workers. That’s me.
In the texts that followed, psycho custie made sure to let me know that he had “fallen in love with me that night” and that I was so good at my job, “maybe too good,” and it gave him feelings he didn’t know how to deal with. I am still in the middle of the fiasco, but in the end the moral I think will be the same, whether I have to find a new club because of this nutcase or not, it will be the last time I give out my number for real. In the wake of the Elliot Rodger tragedy and all of the other terrible crimes against women, it’s important that I take care of myself first. The mental health thing is the major argument in this case to the civilian world, but what does it mean to women? Does it matter if a perpetrator is “sick” on paper to the person who he murders? Young men posting on the forums that Rodger posted on talk about their experiences with sex workers; we are sometimes the only women mentally ill people get to feign intimacy with, meaning that we are directly in their field of vision. We want to believe that our customers are normal, and most of them are, but some are crazy and we have to account for that. We also have to account for the fact that the craziest ones can often manipulate us into trusting them. You might be quick, but sociopaths are quicker.
The money and the job are cool, but my safety is priceless. I urge dancers who plan to give out their numbers to get google voice or a burner phone that cannot be traced to your home address. The days of having fetish customers over to clean my living room are far gone. We live in a more terrifying and woman hating world than ever, I’ve even taken back a “fake real name” that I’ll be using again. I’m glad my wake up call didn’t leave me dead or hurt. It’s still unfolding but I will probably change my number shortly. Please cover your tooshies as much as you bare them! Safety always first.
Posture: Super Stripper Super Power
In order to be a successful stripper, you need to have acute awareness of your body language and also pay attention to that of others. When your product is yourself, it’s important to be aware of what your body is saying to your customer and to be aware of what his body is saying to you. Work gets much easier when you get out of your own head and start using a formula to steer towards a sale and read when you’re getting close.
When you’re there, the customer is asking himself if your time is worth what you are charging for it. I think one thing that girls do when they’re first learning how to strip is slump their shoulders and act shy. Even veteran girls do this when they’re stressed, discouraged, or “over it.” This effects your wallet! Fake it til you make it!
Shoulders back, head up.